Thanks to Plants on Deck’s gardening buddy BH and the magical Rutgers Cooperative Extension, the mystery has been solved.
BH commented, “They also look not unlike the malicious Brown Marmorated Stink Bug which Brendan Skwire over at Brendan Calling wrote about for City Paper earlier this year. If so, sound the alarms!”
POD’s little pesties looked precisely like the creepy crawlies featured in Skwire’s CP article and hatched forth from a clutch of precisely 28 eggs…just as Rutgers suggested.
Consider the alarm sounded. The sighting has been reported and photos have been forwarded to Rutgers. Sigh.
Plants On Deck 
Ugh. Those a-holes turn up in my house. In the WINTER sometimes. They make no noise and then suddenly one is on my shoulder. They are like ninja bugs. Skeeve-town, USA. Good luck killing them all! Kill them ALLLLL!