So, that number on the soil bag is no help. “We don’t do returns.” Or stand by guarantees, evidently. Anyhoo, 30 minutes and several transfers later, and after speaking to another lovely South Philly return cashier, hope lingers. Supposedly if I dump some of the dirt (keep in mind that I bought nearly 150 pounds of this stuff) into a trash bag and bring it back to the store then they’ll refund me. We’ll see.

Later that same afternoon: Hey! The Depot called me back! $51.66 (I forgot about tax — I’m losing some of my Dutch cred) has been credited to my card. No lugging necessary. Thank very, very much. Customer service gold star.